i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
