I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
