I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
