lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i out mim tonsoeep
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