whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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