So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize