My liver just broke up with me...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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