sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
