it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
