i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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