I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
