This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
