Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
