I just threw up on my dentist
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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