The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize