I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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