Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
