Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
