I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
