dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
