There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I touched a dick in church today
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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