just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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