The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
