how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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