So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
