I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
