DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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