why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
