There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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