One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
