Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
