I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
