How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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