booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
