after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She swung at the pinata with crutches
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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