Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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