he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
