I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
