I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
