We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
