oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
