ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
