if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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