why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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