How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
