I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
