nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
MIDGETS
????
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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