The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Can I color on your dick again?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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