On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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