We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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