I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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