I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I came so hard my ears popped.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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