i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
