Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
