Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
