look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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