Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize