im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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