my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
