is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
