My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
