The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
