I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
