Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
