But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
