It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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