Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
