I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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